she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
