I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
