I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
