So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
