I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize