ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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