i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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