respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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