There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
