just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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