Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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