my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
