i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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