So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
