I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
