It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
