you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
