Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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