so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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