"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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