I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
