this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
