I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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