I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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