OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
