just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
