Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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