He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
