Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize