a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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