Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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