I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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