are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
