What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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