oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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