i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
