I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
