she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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