I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
