When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
