Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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