I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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