I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
