i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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