I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
