that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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