My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
third nipple confirmed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
