If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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