im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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