He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
