It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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