Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
