We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
