You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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