We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
