No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
