i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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