My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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