my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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