i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize