It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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